It’s been a while since I wrote a single word into your pages, but after this little foray away from you, I just had to come back and stretch my fingers and type some thoughts.
I realized, with some help, that my writing was full of a quiet rage; it was angry and bitter, and somewhere in the middle of all of that, my voice, my true voice would be lost. Which is interesting because up until that point, I thought I had a pretty good grasp on who and what my voice was, but as with everything in life, eventually, you realize that not everything is clearcut, and oftentimes, you’re just plain wrong.
“The truth is a combination of what we know and what we don’t know—and gaining and maintaining awareness of both sides of this reality is the key to being wise.” – Tim Urban
I realized that I didn’t have a monopoly over the truth, which is hard to do when you already think that you’re open-minded. In any case, there was one large stone that needed turning for me to realize that yeah, there are some biases and prejudices I had to face so that I could keep growing as a thinking and feeling individual. That led me down a big old path of soul searching that’s led me back to this blog. Writing is part of my search, so the last thing I should do while I keep growing is set aside one of my great passions.
So I thought I would share with all of you a few of my dreams and how they make me anxious, not because I’m afraid of them happening, but quite the opposite. I would also like to invite all of you who read this post to take a moment and share a few words on what anxious dreams you have.
I’ve gotten to dreaming about family, and starting one, of doing my best by them, of making sure we grow happy and strong, of passing on our values to the next generation, of ensuring good, decent citizens come after us. I dream about this often, and I immediately get a tinge of anxiety, and this happens most often by influence of my immediate environment, and when I check our world’s state of affairs.
I’m anxious because I don’t know if I’ll be able to provide the same level of comfort to my family as was provided to our generation. I’m anxious because everything indicates that we’re headed towards a very difficult next few decades and this time I’m not sure we can come out on top.
I’m anxious because I long for familial bliss, to do right by my wife and kids, to provide enough safety and security for a wholesome growth environment, and I’ll be sure to fight till my last breath to ensure all of this for them.
But still, I’m anxious. I trust in myself, but this no longer depends on just me. I turn on the news and it looks as if a biblical storm of natural events are upon us. I see cars melting in Italy and the paint on roads turning to puddles in India, I see floods in Tampa and in Turkey, and droughts in California. I see this and oceans rising and waters acidifying and many things and I’m not the only one to see it. I’m anxious because I fear that I won’t be able to show my kids the wonderful things I was lucky enough to see growing up. I would watch nature shows and know that these things exist and are out there. I’m anxious, and I don’t know how conscious parents do it on a day to day basis, especially if they know the dangers that loom ahead.
I’m anxious and I’m asking all of you, who I know are as anxious as I am, to tell me, to tell us, how do you deal with it? How do we fight for our dreams and make sure our kids get to have dreams of their own?
Talk to you soon dear diary. I’m off to go look for some bliss.